Waiting for Painting

I never thought I’d be balancing a spoon on a calculator for fun, but here I am. All morning, I’ve been putting different things on the spoon to see if it will stay balanced. I think the most interesting one was when I skewered a potato on the handle of the spoon while placing coins on the other side. Amazingly, I got it to stay in place. I can’t believe it actually worked. You probably don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you at all. Now, why would I do something so dumb for fun? It’s because I’m getting some work done in my house. For weeks I’ve been searching for a commercial painter near Melbourne to help make my house look better, and I finally found one. Unfortunately, though, I’ve pretty much lost access to my house while the painting is done. So, I’ve been sitting in my kitchen trying to keep myself entertained with spoons and potatoes.

I think he is moving on to complete my driveway painting service soon, so at least I’ll be able to move around the house for a while. In the meantime, I guess I’ll keep doing whatever I can think of. I found my daughter’s old stuffed chicken, so maybe I’ll hang out with him for a while. I think his name was Henry. Alternatively, I guess I could just keep blogging. I am a bit behind on my scheduled blog posts. However, I’m typing this while standing up, and it isn’t super comfortable, so that’s not really my preference.

If only I could duck into the lounge room without being seen. I’d grab a book and probably read the whole thing this afternoon. But alas, I am stuck here, entertaining myself with stuffed toys and strange balancing acts. I’ll probably start going crazy soon, if I’m being honest. Maybe that just has something to do with all the paint fumes, though. Perhaps I should have just stayed at a hotel today.

Posted in Painting

Repeatedly Broken Windows

Whenever my dad comes to stay with us, something goes wrong. For a seventy-year-old, he gets up to an incredible amount of mischief and loves bringing my children along for the ride. My kids love him, just like everyone does. He has an infectious energy about him that makes you want to go on any whacky adventure that he wants to go on. I’m beyond lucky to have him as my father, but I wish he would stop kicking the footy with my son and breaking windows!!
My dad and son have broken three windows in the last year. I don’t think they realise how expensive it is to get a sash window replacement every other month. I don’t have a bottomless pit of money. I sat my dad down to tell him that I can’t have them kicking the footy in the front yard anymore. I told him that it’s too dangerous and it’s costing me too much money. He agreed and said he understood, and then looked at me with these innocent puppy dog eyes and told me that my son just really wanted to play and he didn’t want to disappoint him. Of course, his look and explanation pulled at my heartstrings. I’d let my dad get away with murder.

I guess at this point I just have to hope that they don’t do any more damage. It’s clear that they’re going to do whatever they want and I’m going to let them do it. I just hope that I don’t need a complete door replacement or something like that any time soon. I don’t know how they’d manage to break the front door, but I also wouldn’t put it past them. My son has a mischievous streak just like my dad.

I love them both and I’m lucky to have them in my life, but I wish they could be a little less destructive.

Posted in Renovations

No More Lending

Catrina is always breaking my stuff. Don’t get me wrong – I’d still call her my dearest friend, but that doesn’t change the fact that she continually fails to take responsibility for this behaviour. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never letting her use anything of mine ever again. This might temporarily make for a strained friendship scenario, but to do otherwise is bound to result in a BFF breakup eventually – especially after what happened yesterday.


What happened yesterday, you ask? Oh, let me tell you. It all started when Catrina borrowed my station wagon for the day… you can tell where this is going already, can’t you? It’s the way in which it happened, though, that is story-worthy. Gather ‘round.


See, I told Catrina very clearly to be careful with the back windows – namely, to not touch the buttons that roll them down. They have a tendency to get stuck in the ‘down’ position and leave my car interior exposed to the elements. I’ll get it fixed when I next go for my next log book service in Adelaide, maybe, but for the time being it’s not really a problem, so long as nobody touches the danged buttons.


Can you guess what Catrina goes and does the moment she gets in the car? She rolls down the back windows. I was still standing there next to the car, having just told her not to do that, opening and closing my mouth like a fish because I was so totally gobsmacked. Then she has the gall to start lecturing me on needing a brake repair. She hadn’t even started the car yet, let alone tried the brakes!


She definitely heard me say not to touch the windows, too. I know she did. She had the sheepish/innocent look on her face after she did it, which she always does when she knows she’s just done something she wasn’t supposed to. Of course, the windows still haven’t gone back up.


You’d think we were sisters, the way we argue. I guess that’s why I consider Catrina my bestie even though I want to kill her sometimes.

Posted in auto

Blocked Office Drains

I’ve just bought a new office space for my business. We’re expanding which is fantastic but I couldn’t afford both a large space and a space with high quality fixtures, fittings and plumbing.  So I opted for a large space so that I can fit all my new employees into the building. I do have the option to let them work remotely, but I’d prefer to make sure they are actually doing the work.

Upon my first inspection of the new building, it became clear that I probably shouldn’t have chosen against high quality plumbing. Because of this decision, I’ve had to pay for a drain repair. Around Melbourne, most offices have a standard of quality that must be adhered to, and unfortunately, my plumbing wasn’t up to scratch. It was a costly decision on my part.

I’ve done my due diligence and fixed all the plumbing issues in the building. My employees will have to deal with subpar fixtures and fittings until the next financial year, but at least the plumbing and drains are all good. I could only imagine their faces on the first day if they walked into the new office, only to be faced with the fact that the blocked drains need fixing. Northcote is an expensive part of Melbourne and so my employees expect to be looked after. I definitely want to look after them, I just wish that I hadn’t sacrificed the plumbing for a large space when I originally purchased the building. 

Now that all the changes have been made, I’m ready for my employees to return from remote work. It’ll be good to see them all again after so many months working from home. It gave me time to upgrade our office space, which I hope we get many years out of. Here’s to the future!

One last thing, if you’re like me and looking to buy a new building please learn from my mistakes and save yourself some money.

Posted in Drains

Renovating Storm

Moving down to Melbourne was a good idea. I’m happy to admit that now that everything’s been moved into into the house and the stress has started to wear off – I’m actually starting to feel quite relaxed.

Be assured that I’m planning to milk that state for all it’s worth while it’s available, given that Jerome officially has his sights set on a designer kitchen renovationto be carried out over summer. That’s sure to be yet another cause for rising cortisol levels. If I can help it, though, it won’t be anything near as hectic as this move has been.

In light of that, I’m thinking I should probably start getting involved in throwing around renovation concepts now, before Jerome spearheads the mission by recruiting some random to do the job (as is his wont). What we need is a certified kitchen designer, not a well-meaning DIY enthusiast Jerome got chatting to at the bust stop.

I’m going to do my research and hunt down the very best company for kitchen renovations. Melbourne readers, do you have anyone to recommend? Basically, I want someone who’ll not only get the design right, including all the features we need (kitchen storage solutions are my main area of interest) but also install the new kitchen with precision. I definitely don’t want a repeat of that cabinetry situation a few years back.

It’s lucky that it’s just the kitchen that needs work. Overall, the interior design and construction of the house is pretty darned good, considering what we paid for it. Honestly, we could get away with leaving the kitchen as is – that’s if Jerome was willing to slightly lower his ‘home entertaining’ standards and accept slightly less style than he’s accustomed to.

Look, I’m actually happy that Jerome has such high standards. It means our house is consistently on point. I just wish he’d take a breather every now again with the whole home makeover thing.

Posted in Renovations

Surprise Parcel

I just got an unexpected parcel in the mail. I couldn’t tell who it was from, and I still don’t know. I kind of wish I’d thought to make an unboxing video before I opened it, because it was quite a surprise and I reckon my reaction would have been quite amusing.

So, what was inside? I’ll tell you. It’s a… well, I don’t know what to call it, actually. It’s a sort of soft, padded ottoman, but small – about the size of a four-slice toaster. It’s covered in brown velour, and has a pouch that looks like it’s meant for your feet to go in. There’s also a cable to plug it into a power point. I’m guessing it’s some kind of electric foot massager, possibly with a warming function, that you can wear on your feet while on the couch.

Who would have sent me such a thing, though? I did ask a few people about recommendations for podiatry services, Cheltenham being pretty new to me, but I ended up finding a clinic without too much hassle. It wasn’t like I was banging on and on about it, but maybe someone took my foot care enquiries as a cue to send me this weird piece of paraphernalia.

Why isn’t it in a box, though? At least, not the original box. It almost makes me think that someone’s regifted it. My sister, perhaps? I guess she could be playing a prank on me. But what if it was some well-meaning acquaintance, passing on their used foot massager? Nice gesture, but what if they have fungal nails, unbeknownst to them? What if they know they have toenail fungus, and they’ve sent me this out of spite?

What am I supposed to think here? Should I give this thing a spin, or promptly dispose of it? It would help if there was some clue on the packaging, any clue as to the sender’s identity, but there’s nothing to speak of.

Maybe I can just give it a little try, with socks on.

Posted in podiatry

Mother Please

My mum is such a drag. She literally has no concept of what’s cool these days, and she keeps trying to force her fashion sense on me. Like you can even call it fashion – I mean, when was the last time she went on Splice? We’re talking about someone who still reads print magazines – it’s so old-school, but not in an ironic way.

She says that this whole vintage shopping thing is a phase, but it’s not. The 90s will never die because they’re so lit. Mum was supposedly around for that decade – as far as I can see, the best one ever – but I can’t see any evidence of that. I mean, she’s not lit. She doesn’t even think bucket hats are cool. Bucket hats. They’re, like, the ultimate look, but she can’t see it. I guess if you were there the first time around, it might be harder to fully appreciate the reboot, but come on. We all know that the reboot is 110% cooler than the actual thing.

Speaking of boots, she tried to get me to try some on the other day – not 18-holes or anything, just some boring black leather ones that she said were ‘classic’ and ‘timeless’. She also wanted me to get this matching leather slouch bag. Buy it for me if you want, mum, but there’s no way I’m going to wear that stuff anywhere, except maybe to a funeral. She actually expects me to wear this stuff to school; can you believe it?

Finally, we were able to compromise on a brown leather slouch bag that I thought was kind of Courtney Love meets Kate Moss at Woodstock circa 1997. I didn’t even want her to buy me anything, but she wouldn’t shut up about it. Well, there was one thing I kind of actually wanted, which was a clear plastic bum bag that glows pink under blacklight. But she was all, “When are you going to be under black-lights? Are you sneaking out to go clubbing? Blah blah blah.” Mum, as if. Who even uses the word ‘clubbing’?


Posted in Fashion


Surf’s up! Just joking – I’ve got a metric ton of work to do. But if I had my druthers, surfing is what would be going down today. At least I can pretend, with my newly refurbished vintage van. The turquoise paint job came out much better than I’d bargained for, and it’s getting quite a lot of attention around town.

Don’t even get me started on the excellent job on the engine, which is working beautifully now. I thought it would be difficult to find a Brighton auto service centre that could deal with the old clunker, and I did have to do a bit of poking around to find a willing mechanic, but it wasn’t as big a deal as I’d been expecting.

All that remains now is some tweaks to the electrical systems, including the installation of some interior lighting in the van body. I’m happy to hear any recommendations for auto electrical services. Brighton friends, please pass on your contacts. The interior in general is a work in progress – the carpet definitely needs a reboot, as do the inbuilt storage units.

I got this old van from a mate’s dad who no longer wanted to deal with the upkeep. He said he was happy for me to take it off his hands if it meant ‘she’ could make regular trips to the beach. Well, unfortunately, my work at the moment is prohibiting that, but at least I can get around like like a beach bum, with my surfboard mounted lovingly on the roof. That’ll have to do for the time being.

I never thought I’d get to own a vehicle like this since going into law, although I always secretly wished I could. Well, it turns out I can – life has a funny way of manifesting just this sort of whimsical desire. Now I just need to manifest time to actually go surfing.


Posted in Uncategorized

No Electrical Mishaps

Not many clients. I’m kind of bored.

I’m starting to think that what everyone said about starting up a specialised, niche business was true: it rarely works out, at least not for a really long time. But I figured that with so many electricians around, then treatment specifically for electrical damage would at least be getting some traction. Like…you’ve got a qualified electrician in Cheltenham working with some power lines, there’s a mishap, and wow, oh no, they need a doctor with VERY specific knowledge on how to treat electrical injuries! And they’d bring them to me, or call me out, and I’d use my expertise to save lives and be a respected member of the community, all of that stuff, ya know.

But ever since they brought in those new safety regulations, people just get shocked less. It’s all rubber gloves and mandatory checks. You have to fit your ute with special shock protectors, and there’s people going on TV with electricity-proof overalls that make you glow like a superhero, and people just…well, this is going to sound weird, but they’re just not getting injured like they used to be. Maybe the fact that I see a couple of clients a week is actually good, because electricians are doing the right thing. I just thought I’d found my niche, but everyone remains thoroughly un-electrocuted, and that’s great, but I’m bored.

Maybe I need a NEW niche, one that doesn’t rely on commercial electricians doing dangerous jobs. It’s a good thing that my office is empty, sort of like it’d be a great thing if a place where people go to quit smoking was packed with repentant smokers. Definitely in line for a new line of work, is me. Like…treating people with injuries inflicted while taking dangerous selfies instead. But my clientele wouldn’t be the best in the world. They’d always be babbling about their next party. Ugh, no.

Posted in Electrical

New Australian Cooling

I know everyone is doing air conditioning, but I don’t care. I can just pretend that I didn’t know, and besides, I can just be better than everyone else. There are just so many ancient civilisations who rose and fell in hot climates, so it’s fun to play around with the idea that air conditioning could’ve turned everything around.

Okay…after two minutes of research, I’ve found something that no one is going to focus on: New Australia. No, seriously, that’s real. A guy made his own little Australia in Paraguay, intending it to be this communist utopia where no one drank alcohol and I guess they all just got along like no humans do, ever.

It didn’t go well, which is not exactly a surprise. Maybe you’d get a different outcome if you imported an air conditioning specialist. Brisbane has the best air con services, so maybe one from there. Paraguay has a tropical climate, which is something a few settlers from cooler climes would not be used to, at all. No wonder they couldn’t settle in such a place; they’d all be hot, bothered and tired, which is a terrible basis for a socialist utopia.

But insert some really good quality cooling services, and who knows? Maybe New Australia eventually could’ve become as big as standard Australia, or bigger. They could’ve outgrown Paraguay (kind of rude to just set up a nation in the middle of one that already exists) and made their own island out of discarded polystyrene or something, and New Australia could’ve been the centre of air conditioning innovation across the globe. Instead of all these amazing air conditioning services from Brisbane, there could’ve been air conditioning flowing out of NEW Brisbane. New Sydney and New Melbourne would still squabble over who’s the most important, though…some things don’t change, even if the names are switched around a little.


Posted in Air Con